We seem to be living in a time when people exhibit a perplexing capacity to disregard the complexity and nuance of any given situation in preference of their own particular, albeit partial point of view. Yet, none of us has a monopoly on the truth. Indeed, the wisest among us seem to excel at seeking, considering, and synthesizing multiple points of view…
Read MoreNobody likes to apologize, but if you're ever in a position to do so, it helps to do it well. Here's a short video with some tips.
Read MoreIf my conversations of late are any indication, many feel the world has grown colder and meaner in recent years. From customer service to political discourse, the tone has changed from concern to contempt. Online conversations frequently resemble the modern-day equivalent of bar-room brawls in which people fling capitalized insults at one another. Even dinner table conversations are so fraught with potential conflict that often people no longer care how they communicate if they care to communicate at all.
Welcome to the world of "haters gonna' hate," "I don't give a fuck," and "I have so few fucks left to give." Ditto free time and discretionary funds.
Of course, we can and do...
Read MoreWhen we accept the invitation to visit another’s home if we have any social grace at all, we go with gratitude, appreciating whatever hospitality our host may offer. We go with a willingness to adapt ourselves as best we can to the conditions and culture of the house.
While there, we consider our host’s preferences and needs. We mind our manners and mind our own business. We clean up after ourselves and help out as best we can. We try not to offend or break anything. Upon our departure, we try to leave everything better than when we found it and remember to thank our host for opening her home to us.
Being a good listener is a lot like being a good houseguest...
Read MoreAs darkness descends earlier and earlier each day, I find myself reluctant to embrace shorter days and long nights. The chill in the air has me reaching for sweaters and snuggles. I want to slow down even as the work-pace quickens in the compressed schedule of pre-holiday season. Getting back to school and down to business rules the day.
Jane Austen called autumn “that season of peculiar and inexhaustible influence on the mind of taste and tenderness.” It is the season of crimson, saffron, pumpkin, and gold…a season to savor hard-won harvests, colorful feasts, and warm nests amidst darkness and decay...
Read MoreDuring this election season, I've participated in many conversations about politics. While I am fortunate to have friends affiliated with very different political persuasions who are willing to discuss our differing viewpoints with good humor and good grace, it seems that this capacity is often lacking.
Read MoreI salute you. I am your friend, and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not. But there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take.
No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!
Read MorePractice makes perfect, but only if you first perfect the practice.
Whether you're practicing anew or renewing an existing practice, here are five simple reminders to improve your practice...
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When someone comes to me stressed, anxious, upset, and generally freaking out, I do not under any circumstances suggest that this person relax. Having both witnessed and received this response to freak-outs over the years, I have learned that this usually well-intended remark is almost never helpful and often annoying.
Telling people to relax does not engender relaxation, although compassion and listening tend to be welcome. Deep breaths also help.
What is even more helpful sounds a bit weird at first...
Read MoreWhen local photographer, Pete Saloutos, invited me to model for a yoga shoot a few years ago, I had no idea that it would lead to a dear friendship and a regular gig moonlighting as a model.
In fact, I was pretty sure that it would lead to a polite and potentially embarrassing encounter with a photographer who would figure out in short order that I was not really worth his time and talent.
Not because I’m insecure about my self-worth or my appearance. I’m actually surprisingly comfortable and content in my own skin. I just didn’t think of myself as a model, a word I grew up associating with the youthful, long, lean, leggy, unattainably attractive other-than-me-ness of those paid to influence cosmetic and fashion trends usually irrelevant to my personal brand of quirkiness...
Read MoreJust in case you're having one of those days...
This little number from Katie Goodman won't solve anything, but it just might make you smile. Oh, and this is an adult song (a tame adult song, but still...), so use your discretion about where and when you listen. Enjoy!
Read MoreA friend of mine recently referred some work to me in my consulting capacity, a contract position helping a local social sector organization with their fund development strategy, work I’ve done with some success in my industrious, if not thoroughly illustrious, career. I was fully qualified and knew some board members who also encouraged me to apply, so I did. I sent a thoughtful letter expressing my interest and capabilities along with my resume to the appropriate person, and went about my business.
At some point, the friend who referred the work to me inquired about the outcome, and I realized that three weeks had passed without any word, not even a note acknowledging the receipt of my application. My friend was surprised to learn this, but unconcerned, assuming that those involved in the search were probably overwhelmed and simply behind in getting back to people. Hmmmm...
Read MoreOn Christmas Eve in 1914, a remarkable event occurred in the trenches along the Western Front. Soldiers fighting the First World War ceased firing for a time, and began to sing. What made this truly remarkable was not the cease fire or the singing or even the holiday greetings that ensued, but that the soldiers singing and greeting one another were from opposing armies.
In the spirit of the holiday, thousands of German, British, French, and Belgian soldiers chose to venture across the front lines bearing gifts and goodwill instead of firearms, beginning a series of unofficial ceasefires that would later come to be known as the “Christmas Truce.” Meeting between the trenches in what was designated “No man’s land,” these men congregated and conversed, sang songs, played games, shared food and souvenirs, and even buried their dead together in a courageous conspiracy of peace amidst war, despite clear orders from their high commands against fraternizing with the enemy. Not surprisingly, in the many months to follow, having shared fellowship amidst hardship, many of these soldiers continued to defy the expectations of their commanding officers, adopting a live-and-let-live attitude, and aligning their patriotism with a greater humanity...
Read MoreIn a world that typically encourages us to advance—subscribing to outdated conventional notions of progress involving some perpetual motion forward, onward, and upward to some where—the idea of a “retreat” can seem somehow regressive and unappealing, even conjuring images of defeat, escape, and failure. These associations, though limiting, are not unfounded. Indeed, the phrase “beat a retreat” arose during times of early warfare in which a drummed communication, a particular beat, customarily signaled troops on the battlefield to disengage from combat.
However, the essence of retreats—temporarily withdrawing from the fray—extends well beyond military conventions and connotations....
Read MoreTribe. In recent years, I’ve met a growing number of modern-day tribe enthusiasts at business meetings, dinner parties, and beyond. There are tribe-seekers who express their deep longing to belong to a group of like-minded people. Others adopt the word to claim and affirm their belonging in their group’s particular version of “us.” Business leaders extol the virtues of cultivating tribes—mass movements around brands that amplify meaningful connections between groups and ideas. Fashion-forward friends tell me that tribal trends even hit the runway in 2011 (my knowledge of fashion is so last year) and continue to inspire Spring 2012.
There's no doubt that the savvy marketing guru, Seth Godin, and the popular reality TV show, Survivor, have heavily influenced the current tribe vibe in American culture, although I suspect that globalization is the underlying culprit in this trend toward tribal identification and cultivation. As collective identities get stretched and homogenized beyond traditional boundaries and comfortable recognition, it makes sense that people would seek to redefine their identities and their sense of belonging by assuming and adapting the cultural accouterments of here, there, and everywhere...
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A powerful reminder from the ever-inspiring and thought-provoking Saul Williams...
...Talk to strangers when family fails
And friends lead you astray
When Buddha laughs and Jesus weeps
And it turns out God is gay
'Cause angels and messiahs
Love can come in many forms
In the hallways of your projects
Or the fat girl in your dorm
And when you finally take the time
To see what they're about
And perhaps you find them lonely
Or their wisdom trips you out...
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Recently, I was fortunate to be one of the many thousands of people gathered together in Seattle for Seeds of Compassion with His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and other noted speakers. For five remarkable days, faces beamed, hearts bloomed, and commitments sprouted in response to a simple, yet profound theme of growing compassion in and for the world...
Read MoreAt a recent gathering Robert Kegan shared a Russian folktale worth repeating:
On a bitter cold winter day, on his way to chop wood, a woodsman came across a little bird almost frozen in the snow. Despite his hurry to accomplish the task at hand, he just couldn't bring himself to leave the little bird to freeze to death, so he picked up the little bird and held it close to his chest to warm it. As he stood there warming the little bird, he realized that his impulse to rescue the little bird now posed quite a dilemma: how was he going to get his wood chopped while holding a small bird in his hands?
Read MoreThroughout history, we humans have used art to express ourselves. We create art not only to represent and beautify our world, but also as a means of understanding and sharing who we are in our world. Through creative self-expression, we grow in self-awareness, generate insights, resolve problems, and enhance our overall well-being.
However, if you're like many adults, somewhere along the way you may have decided, perhaps without even realizing it, that art-making is not for grown-ups, or at least not for grown-ups like you. As much as you may like art on the walls and (especially if you share your home with children) the refrigerator, it seems the art-making is best left to artists and children. After all, when it comes to art, isn't patronage the appropriate role for productive members of society?
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