Finding Our Way Through

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Finding Our Way Through

If there was a conversation that could begin to ease all suffering—within yourself, within others, and within the world—wouldn't you want to join that conversation? Earlier this year, I received an invitation to work with Ashley Cooper and Melanie Wroe to produce aguide for Seeds of Compassion, an initiative to nurture kindness and compassion in the world.  We were asked to create a simple process that anyone could use to engage in meaningful conversation about compassion—what it means, what it looks like, and how we can embody it more fully in our world.

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The Bright Door

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The Bright Door

Another marvelous post entitled "The Source of Rainbows" by Bob Brady at PureLand Mountain...

"It comes to me in the knife-edge cold of the winter night, out here on the deck for one last look at the stars before sleep, that what we all need, what we all seek in the streets and rooms, meadows and museums of our ways, is a place to wonder. Not to be taught, but to wonder...

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Participant-Centered Design: How to Design Events Worth Attending

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Participant-Centered Design: How to Design Events Worth Attending

Whenever I get asked to do a presentation, I always have mixed thoughts.  I’m grateful that someone values my perspective enough to invite me to share it, but I’m also concerned that people will expect me to do all the talking.  Most people who know me well will tell you that I consider myself to be less of a public speaker and more of a conversation-starter.  I enjoy presentations if they catalyze meaningful conversation and action, but I prefer more participant-centered events...

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Conspicuous Contentment

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Conspicuous Contentment

I like stuff as much as the next person, maybe more than some, definitely less than many, but lately I've been wondering what it would be like to live in a culture of conspicuous contentment rather than conspicuous consumption.

At the heart of the average American discontent is often an unquenchable desire for more—to have more, do more, be more. We want more money, more time, more meaning, more connection. We want more of what matters to us—and of course, what matters is often in flux. But the wanting—well, that seems to be constant...   

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How Naked Are You Prepared to Be?

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How Naked Are You Prepared to Be?

Remember Come As You Are parties where people were invited to come in whatever clothing they happened to be wearing at the time of the event?  A cultural novelty of bygone times, people were welcome to arrive in anything from business suits to birthday suits.  Although the events were often used as opportunities to dress in the wackiest clothes imaginable, the parties were an invitation for people to get together without having to worry about appearances, often stretching the bounds of social convention and proscribed self-conceptions.  The underlying concept was that people could come together with fewer pretenses, free to express themselves without the judgment present in everyday experience.

 

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The Answers to our Prayers

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The Answers to our Prayers

About seven years ago, on my daily commute, I passed a woman from my neighborhood walking her dog. As our paths crossed on the sidewalk, I smiled and said, "hello." She glared at me and said nothing. I figured that she was just having a bad day, and let it pass—until the next day, when the same thing happened. I smiled and said hello.  She glared at me and said nothing. 

Shocked and a little miffed by her obvious lack of common courtesy, I carried that glare and the self-righteousness it inspired within me most of the day...

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Reflections on Opening Space

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Reflections on Opening Space

I recently had the privilege of attending an Open Space retreat on Bowen Island hosted by friends, Michael Herman and Chris Corrigan, where I had some time to reflect on opening space. 

My approach to open space—and life in general (sometimes this distinction seems irrelevant)—is about receiving as much as inviting—receiving what is offered; what wants to be received. Whenever I open space, I invite people to consider that each person in the space is a gift just waiting to be received. All we have to do is open our hearts and minds to receiving each other. If we do nothing else, that will have been profound—indeed, sometimes, that’s the most profound thing that we can do, a prerequisite for everything else...

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Pyramid Principles for Life

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Pyramid Principles for Life

...At times the journey feels awkward or perilous: you're asking questions that everyone wishes would go away; you don't know how to put into words what you're searching for; you're wondering just how big an idiot you really are for leaving what felt sure and safe and comfortable...

Paul H. Ray, PH.D. and Sherry Ruth Anderson, PH.D., The Cultural Creatives

...It is safe to say that men [and women] have been seeking an answer to the riddle of the Great Pyramid for over 4000 years...

When I was a child, I was fascinated by the Great Pyramid. A testament to human ingenuity, the Great Pyramid is the only remaining structure of the Seven Wonders of the World. Believed to have been built in 2600 BC, it was originally encased in highly polished limestone that reflected sunlight, making the pyramid visible from vast distances. According to some calculations, the casing stones of the original pyramid would have reflected light like giant mirrors, so powerful that it would be visible from the moon.

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Questions Worth Asking

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Questions Worth Asking

My dear, is it true that your mind
Is sometimes like a battering
Ram
Running all through the city
Shouting so madly inside and out
About the ten thousand things
That do not matter?

Hafiz, Out of the Mouths of a Thousand Birds

Deep in American life lies a dormant soul, almost obliterated by politicians and media that consider it too lowly and weak for serious attention.
Thomas Moore

In my personal and professional development work, I spend a lot of time with questions. My questions. Client questions. Unasked and unanswered questions. Spiritual "meaning of life" questions. Transactional "get the job done" questions. Relational "getting to know you" questions. Easy questions. Hard questions. Rhetorical questions. In the course of all this questioning, I have noticed that the most powerful questions people ask are those that invoke reflection about what they value. I call these questions valuable questions.

Valuable questions are worth asking. They are questions of value that enable us to deepen who and how we are in the world--to grow, to change, to transform ourselves and others. They help us determine what really matters to us and what to do about it. How can I be a better person? What do I want to do with my life? How can I make money and make a difference in the world? How can I have meaningful relationships with people important to me? Valuable questions invoke reflection on how we value ourselves, our relationships, life conditions, and life pursuits.

They are also overwhelming and hard to answer because they take time. Even worse, valuable questions take personal time, and we are busy. We are a nation of people in a hurry, a culture addicted to well-marketed speed. This is not a novel observation. We all know it. Full-speed, speed to market. Fast food, fast cars, fast pace. Quick fixes. Rush hour, rush job, feel the rush. Instant coffee, instant gratification. We don't even read anymore; we scan, skim and surf our way through life.

Ours is a culture of pay per view relationships and substitute experiences, a culture that promotes spending more time with television "Friends" than with friends who really care. Most of us experience fifty to one hundred advertisements by nine in the morning. The entire world is at our fingertips--broadcast into our living rooms, our cars, our offices. Television, radio, billboards, snail mail, email, chat rooms, discussion boards, telemarketing. Even the spiritual has become commercial as corporations compete to sell us souls.

Reaction is better than inaction--and reflection, particularly self-reflection, is reserved for the self-absorbed or people with nothing better to do. Time out is a behavior modification technique for children and time off is regarded with suspicion. Vacations are prescriptions for preventing nervous breakdowns. We barely have time to sleep, let alone time to dream.

We simply don't have time for questions, valuable or otherwise. We want answers--and we want them fast. What am I going to wear today? Are we on schedule? Why am I doing this job anyway? Where did I put the car keys? Am I a good parent? How much is it going to cost? How am I going to make this payment? Why am I so worried? When will it be finished? Is it my turn to drive the kids? When am I going to get to the grocery store? What am I having for dinner? What's on TV tonight? Where's the remote control? When was the last time we had sex? How much sleep do I really need anyway? Is this what I really want? On any given day, there are so many questions competing for our attention, is it any wonder that we tend to neglect the most valuable for the least time-consuming?

Our personal time is in short supply and high demand. Most of us, of necessity, use our personal time to go to the dentist, pick up the dry-cleaning, and buy the groceries. We use personal time to socialize with friends, connect with partners and read to the kids. If we're lucky, we may have time leftover to get to the gym. In our culture, personal time is any time we spend outside of work, however impersonal, taking care of the rest of our lives, taking care of the people in our lives and--oh yes, taking care of ourselves. That too--and more often than not--that last. After all, personal time for truly personal use should be reserved for crises.

Basically, if we have any personal time at all, we should be shopping, cooking, cleaning, and socializing. We should be doing something--certainly not sitting around by ourselves inquiring about the meaning of life. We have Oprah for that--just turn on the television. Watch a meaningful life.

However, if we want to live meaningful lives, we have to occasionally turn off the television, the cell-phone and the computer. Leave the laundry for another day. Decline the invitation and order in. Whatever it takes, we have to take the time to ask ourselves the questions worth asking--value ourselves enough to ask the valuable questions. We have to get personal with our personal time and inquire into our own experience about what really matters.

We must breathe, reflect, be. Greet the moment with a deep sigh and a full heart. Now, that would be doing something.

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An Amazing Place to Be...

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An Amazing Place to Be...

On the way home from the airport the other day, my cabdriver, a charming man from Ethiopia, asked me where I'm from--a seemingly simple question for which a suitably simple answer still eludes me. Where am I from? My birthplace? My heritage? My nation? My current place of residence? Born in Rhode Island, the child of an American mother and European father, living abroad most of my childhood, moving frequently as an adult, and currently anchored on Bainbridge Island, I often feel as if I'm from nowhere and everywhere...

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Stillness in Motion

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Stillness in Motion

Training began with children who were taught to sit still and enjoy it. They were taught to use their organs of smell, to look when there was apparently nothing to see, and to listen intently when all seemingly was quiet. A child that cannot sit still is a half-developed child.

Standing Bear, Lakota Indian Chief

I read this quote years ago, and have recalled it often in idle moments, sometimes as a reminder to quell mindless doing...sometimes as an invitation to rejoice in endless being. Sometimes, I just wonder what Standing Bear would say about a world filled with so many half-developed adults...

 

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